Junkyard Wars...
by GabriynMH
Summary: PWP humor, Heero, Duo, Trowa and Washu in a junkyard wars setting...hm... Relena/Martha stewart/Aeka bashing YAY!
1. Part 1/2

Has anyone here EVER seen Junkyard Wars, on TLC? (Scrapheap Challenge for you british out there) Well, it's this show, where contestants have 10 hours to make something (a submarine, a hovercraft, an off-road buggy, a hang-glider, (the possibilities are endless)) all from stuff dug up from a huge junkyard, where the show is located. Well, after reading the hilariously funny jeopardy fic by Steppin' Razor, I had a flash of inspiration. Tell me what you think!  
  
  
  
(Junkyard Wars intro)  
  
Host: Today, on Junkyard Wars, we have a very original challenge, submitted by Ralon Saberwing. Our contestants must build a mechanical cosmetologist! Thats right, folks! Each machine must be able to give the user a complete facial, a manicure, AND a pedicure! Lets see our contestants! FROOOM the wild world of mobile suits, Team Gundam consists of Heero Yuy, Team Captain, Trowa Barton, Mechanic, AAAND, Duo Maxwell, uhhh... the morale-booster! On the other side of the fence, is Team WASHU!!!! consisting of: Washu, team captain, Washu, Mechanic, AAAND Washu, Mad scientist!!!!! LEETS BEGIN!!! Teams, you have 10 hours!!!  
  
  
  
(on the Gundam side of the fence)  
  
Heero:...and thats how we will make our machine  
  
  
  
Trowa/Duo: Mission Accepted!   
  
  
  
Duo: HAHA! we will do anything to WIN!!! (races to the scrapheap)  
  
  
  
(on the Washu side of the fence)  
  
Washu: WASHUUUU!!! I will win this contest and prove myself to be the greatest mechanic in the UNIVERSE!!!!!!!!!! MWAHAHAHAAHAHA!!  
  
  
  
Washu doll #1: You are great, Washuuuuu!  
  
  
  
Washu doll #2: Yes, Washuuuuu! You will win Washhuuuu!  
  
  
  
Washu: ONTO THE JUNKYARD!!!!!  
  
  
  
(in the junkyard)  
  
Duo: How are we gonna find lipstick in this dump?  
  
  
  
Trowa: dont ask me!  
  
  
  
Duo: LOOK!! (holds up a tube) LIPSTICK!!!   
  
  
  
Trowa: hold on... (takes tube, wipes grime off front) this tube says "Aquafresh"!   
  
  
  
Duo: so? no one will notice!  
  
  
  
Trowa: (throws into scrapheap buggy wagon) I dont think Heero will like it  
  
  
  
Duo: If Heero wanted to be particular, he'd be here!  
  
  
  
Trowa: (sighs) lets go find the haircomb  
  
  
  
MEANWHILE...  
  
  
  
Washu: HAHA! I have found the blaster gun for my machine!!!! It will help me BLAST my way into VICTORY!!! NEXT: the acid!!! MWAHAHAAHAH!!!!  
  
  
  
Washu doll #1: You Rule, WASHUUUUUUU!  
  
  
  
Washu doll #2: Your machine will be the GREATEST, WASHUUUUUUU!!  
  
  
  
MEANWHILE...  
  
  
  
Duo: One more item to go! The...(reads paper)self detonation switch?!!?! Oh well (shrugs and sighs) old habits die hard  
  
  
  
Trowa: Hey, I think this might work (holds up a big oval shape)  
  
  
  
Duo: huh? lemme see! (takes the object, reads) ...U.S. H-bomb prototype!?!?! oooh, Heero will definitely like this!   
  
  
  
(suddenly...)  
  
  
  
Washu: haiiiiiiieee!!! (aims blaster gun at Trowa and Duo) FEEL THE WRATH OF WASHUUU!!!   
  
  
  
Duo: HAHA! I'm prepared!! (whips out a cell phone)  
  
  
  
Trowa: Duo, I dont think a cell phone is gonna help...  
  
  
  
Washu doll #1: HA!!! Is that all you can do??? Washuuuu will WINNN!!!!  
  
  
  
Duo: (punches in a number, mutters) come on! pick up! Oh, Hello? I'd like to speak to Wufei. Yes, I'll hold. Wufei? are you watching Junkyard Wars right now? what? well change the channel!! got it? see that short red-headed woman? Her name is Washu. Do you really want a WOMAN to win against us? No? THEN GET OVER HERE AND HELP OUT!!!! (slams phone to ground) (Gundam Altron appears, takes out a beam rifle and annihilates Washu.)   
  
  
  
Washu: (in a daze) I'd like one of those toys...  
  
  
  
Washu doll #2: Dont think you have defeated the undefeatable WASHUUUUU! (activates teleport machine to Washu's side of the fence)  
  
  
  
Trowa: Thanks Wufei!   
  
  
  
Wufei: (grumbles) that was TOO easy! (Stomps off in a huff)  
  
  
  
Duo: lets get back to Heero  
  
  
  
(at the Gundam side of the fence)  
  
  
  
Heero: did you get the self detonation device?   
  
  
  
Duo: yeah. Why did you want that?   
  
  
  
Heero: To show the resolve that is required of the strong.*thanx to http://www.gundamwing.org/ew/ewquotes1.html for that*  
  
It is just a reminder to show us of the power that we wield. It is like the self-detonation devices on our Gundams.  
  
  
  
Duo: ITS JUST BEAUTIFICATION MACHINE!!!!!  
  
  
  
Trowa: I know a lot of women who say that beauty is everything...  
  
  
  
Duo: ugh...  
  
  
  
MEANWHILE...  
  
  
  
Washu: AHAAA!!! Almost complete!!!! The blast from that beam rifle was only a minor setback!!! First this game show, next: the UNIVERSE!!! HAHAAHAHAH  
  
  
  
Washu doll #1: Washuuuuu! you are the GREATEST!!!!!!  
  
  
  
After 7 hours...  
  
  
  
Host: Teams, You have 3 hours left, 3 hours left!!!  
  
  
  
(at the Gundam side of the fence)  
  
  
  
Trowa: Perfect. Now all we need to do is add the pedicure part of the machine. Duo, go get some heavy duty angle iron.  
  
  
  
Duo: huh?   
  
Trowa: our creation has to be able to withstand anyone's feet. From a model's perfect toes, to a stinky fungus infected mess. (dun dun da DUNNNNNN)Now, gundamium would be best, but...  
  
  
  
Heero: wait. I'll get it. (runs off)  
  
  
  
Duo:??  
  
  
  
Heero: (comes back with a huge load of black painted Gundamium alloy)   
  
  
  
Duo: Hey, where'd you get all that metal?  
  
  
  
Heero: Deathscythe.  
  
  
  
Duo:(in a rage) WHAT??!?!!?  
  
  
  
Heero: you said that you'd be willing to do anything to win.  
  
  
  
Duo: (curses under his breath)  
  
  
  
MEANWHILE...  
  
  
  
Washu: NOW, for the piece de resistance! haha! (whips out a mega beam ray) For a SUPERIOR face peel!!!!  
  
  
  
Washu doll #1: YAY! WASHUUUUUUUU!!!!  
  
  
  
(3 hours have passed)  
  
  
  
Host: TIIIIIMES UP! WE will test the machines tomorrow! Will the doomsday machine from mad scientist Washu win, or will the G-boys prevail? Tune in after the commercial break!!!!!!!!!  
  
  
  
-Gabriyn  
  
  
  
P.S. Tell me what you think...PULEEEEEEEZEEEEEEE?  



	2. Part2/2

Oh, BTW, I forgot to include this in part I, but I just remembered: I DO NOT  
OWN GUNDAM WING!!!!! (dont sue me, I'm not making money off it) Also, theres a  
bit of OOC, but not much:)  
  
  
  
Host: Now, back to JUNKYARD WARS!!!!!!!! Today, we have guest Martha Stewart  
here to do some preliminary judging! Martha, who would YOU bet on?   
  
  
  
Martha: (examines both machines. Washu's is huge and towering, while the  
G-boy's is compact and hot pink)Well, to tell you the truth, it is a very close  
race. Washu's is *rougher*, with her ummm... BEAM RAY?? (whispers to host: are  
you sure she got the right instructions???)but provides umm... yeah, thats it!  
Long Term benefits... The machine made by the Gundam Boys is umm... very  
flashy... Totally goes AGAINST my *great* fashion sense...   
  
  
  
Trowa: (in a whisper) Duo, I told you we shouldn't have painted it that  
color...  
  
  
  
Martha: Well, as I often say, Always Judge A Book By It's Cover: make sure it  
matches your wallpaper. I'm going with Washu!  
  
  
  
Heero: (cocks gun at Martha Stewart) I will kill you. click* *clickclick*  
*clickclickclickclick* #%&$, I'm out of ammo!  
  
  
  
Duo: *grin* (holds up a handfull of bullets) Now, we couldn't allow violence on  
this show! (shows other hand, which holds a pink rabbits foot keychain, labeled  
"Wing Zero"  
  
  
  
Heero: (in an ominous voice) DUOOOO... WHERE ARE THE KEYS TO MY GUNDAM????!!?!  
  
  
  
Duo: (in a sweet innocent voice) Oh, I wouldn't know... *smirks*  
  
  
  
Host: ANYWAYS... Teams, according to traddition, you are allowed one hour  
tinkering time. Get to it!  
  
  
  
Heero: Ok, our machine is fine. only one thing we need to do. DUO!!!!   
  
  
  
Duo: yeah...?  
  
  
  
Heero: Strip. Off. The. Paint.   
  
  
  
Duo: awwww... it looks cute with the pink paint!  
  
  
  
Heero: NOW.   
  
  
  
Duo: (grumbles) first you break down Deathscythe into scrap metal, now you make  
me strip paint. I'm a GUNDAM PILOT FOR SHINIGAMI'S SAKE!!!!!  
  
  
  
Heero: not anymore...  
  
  
Trowa: umm, duo?  
  
  
Duo: (expectantly) What? You'll help me? Trowa, I knew you were always my  
friend!  
  
  
Trowa: (lounging with heero on beach chairs) could you move? I'm trying to get  
a tan...  
  
  
Duo: (starts sulking)  
  
  
  
MEANWHILE...  
  
  
Washu: AHA!!! I will win!!! Martha Stewart likes my invention!!!!!!!!  
  
Martha: Actually, I just hated the other team's machine...  
  
Washu doll #2: WASHUUUUU, YOU WILL STILL WIN, WASHUUUUUUU!  
  
Washu doll #1: You are the greatest, WASHUUUUUUU!!!  
  
LATER...  
  
Host: Well, TIMES UP! lets meet our guinea pigs!! Testing Washu's machine will  
be Princess Aiaka, From planet Jerai!   
  
Aiaka: hello! wait a sec... WASHU'S MACHINE?? WHAT? GET ME AWAY FROM THAT  
MADWOMAN, QUICK!!!  
  
Host: umm...*coughs* Testing Team Gundam's machine is the famous Relena  
Peacecraft!   
  
Relena: Hey! the sign said free makeover...   
  
Host: (to the audience) a sucker born every minute, hehe.  
  
Relena: AHH!! HEERO!! There you are!!!   
  
Heero: (cowering behind duo) Save me! I only did this show to get away from  
her!!  
  
Duo: Now, is that how a perfect soldier acts? get up! Be Brave, man, be BRAVE!!  
  
Heero: You're right! I will face *shiver* Relena...  
  
Host: Teams, your machines have thirty minutes to *cough* pamper our testers  
here, beginning... NOW!  
  
Relena: (dreamily) Ah, Heero...  
  
Heero: just get into the machine  
  
Relena: anything for you, my love!  
  
Heero: (grits teeth) Duo, help me here...  
  
Duo: (slams machine shut)  
  
MEANWHILE...  
  
Washu: Just get into the machine!!  
  
Aiaka: NOOO!!!  
  
Washu: I'll just have to MAKE you... (whips out a life-size Tenchi cut-out)   
  
Aiaka: AHH..*drool* TENCHI... My LOVE!!!  
  
Washu: thats right, just follow Tenchi...(stuffs tenchi cutout into machine)  
  
Aiaka: I'm comimg, tenchi... (enters machine)  
  
Washu:(slams it shut)  
  
LATER...  
  
Host: well, martha, i've been noticing lots of screams coming from Washu's  
machine...  
  
Martha: yes, it IS pretty rough  
  
Host: and lots of lovesick moaning from Team Gundam's machine...  
  
Martha: we'll need to get better testers next time. Who's idea was it anyway to  
get riffraff off the street to do our testing?  
  
Relena/Aiaka: I HEARD THAT!!!   
  
Heero: Ahh... I cant take it anymore!!! Her voice is so piercing!!   
  
Trowa/Duo: NO!! DONT!  
  
Heero: (self detonates the machine)  
  
Duo: so much for non-violence...  
  
Host: TIMES UP!! lets see our testers!!  
  
Relena: (in a daze) Anything for you, Heero  
  
Heero:*whimper*  
  
Host: Well, Team Gundam went for the ugly look!   
  
Duo: *smirk* it wasnt hard considering what we had to work with!  
  
Relena: Now, what did you mean by that?!!  
  
Host: Relena is covered in soot, with a wonderful ogre-like complexion. her  
hair is truly inspired! Who else would style hair into a single four-foot tall  
spike?! Our judges give team Gundam a 0.0000000000000000000001 out of 100!!!  
  
Relena: GIMME A MIRROR!!!!!!! (snatches a mirror from host) AHHHH!!! Heero, I  
hat- I mean I *cough* LOVE what you did! (mutters) Im gonna kill you  
  
Heero: YAY!! I'm FREE! I'M FREE!!!!  
  
Washu doll # 2: WASHUUUU! YOU WILL WIN, WASHUUUUUUU!!!  
  
Host: lets take a look at Princess Aiaka! (looks her over) Well, Washu went for  
the bland look! Y'know, something's fishy... casts a glance at Tenchi cutout  
hmmmm... Aiaka looks at mirror. AHH!! THANK YOU WASHUU!!!!!   
  
Washu: My genius if finally appreciated!!!  
  
Aiaka: I look like Tenchi!!! Washu, you have helped me take Tenchi fandom to a  
whole new level!!! Now I even LOOK like tenchi!!!!!!!  
  
Host:uh... Well, lets see what the judges say! Washu gets a  
0.0000000000000000000001 out of 100! ITS A TIE!!  
  
(Gundam Altron appears again, with beam rifle handy)  
  
Wufei: care to repeat that?  
  
Host: umm... sorry, hehe, Sorry folks, Washu's score was missing one more "0".  
That makes Team Gundam the WINNER!!!!!  
  
Washu Doll #1: NOOOOOO!!!  
  
Washu doll #2: We'll be BACK!! Right, WASHUUUUUUUU?!  
  
Washu: Yep. In the mean while: (takes out blaster and starts shooting at martha stewart.   
Everyone joins in the fun, while Relena starts torturing heero in *that* sort of way.   
Poor Heero. He's still not free...)  
  
Washu doll #1: The   
  
Washu doll #2: END!!  
  
-Gabriyn  
  
P.S. Didya like it? didya hate it? TELL MEEE  
P.P.S. I dont own Tenchi Muyo either  
P.P.P.S. I think i spelled Aeka's name wrong...  
P.P.P.P.S. I like "..."...  



End file.
